will it ever stop??

I am on day 15 of my period. Yes, you read correctly, DAY 15! I went to the doctor last Thursday when I was on day 9 and she said that since I haven’t had a period since May and I’m not really cramping, I should expect a slightly longer period this time around. However, I think 15 days is quite long enough. I’m starting to feel very fatigued, very easily. I had a student shadow me at work yesterday and we walked up a set of stairs (one that I walk up multiple times a day and never get winded) and I had to take a full minute to catch my breath when I sat down! I’m also heading to bed after this post because I can’t keep my eyes open any longer despite not having done much today. Besides the fatigue and general annoyance that I am still bleeding, I’m disappointed because I was hoping that since I’d actually gotten my period this month, I might stand a chance of getting pregnant this month. However, seeing as I’m still bleeding and my fertile window closes tomorrow, I’m beginning to doubt that it could happen this month. I know I just need to be patient, but with each passing month, with every beautiful baby photo I see, and with each interaction I have with a baby or child I grow more impatient.

very new development!

Yesterday, I started my period. Yes, you read correctly; I started my period! After 6 months of nothing–silence from my uterus–I finally got my period! I’ve never been so happy to see blood! Actually, I got a little ahead of myself and thought it might be ovulation spotting or implantation bleeding because it was light brown and pink and a very slow flow for the first few hours. However, today I got my typical period symptoms (the feeling that someone has a vice grip on my intestines and a heavy flow), so I’ve decided it’s my period. Most people would not be happy about this while trying to conceive, but at this point, I’m just happy something is happening. I was beginning to think that I was going to have to take some kind of hormones to try to regulate my body from the havok my birth control had wrecked on my reproductive system. I really did not want to take more artificial hormones; I wanted my body to heal on its own, and I believed it could heal itself. So, I will continue the improved healthy diet and exercise regimen that I’ve been practicing for the past few months, and I’ll begin tracking my cycle again (now that I actually have a cycle to track!). I’m so happy for this newest development! 🙂

so emotional

I’m naturally a more emotional person. I’ve been that way since I was little. I was labeled as “overly sensitive” and was told to grow thicker skin. But I digress. In my field, I hear sad and unfortunate stories every day, but I’ve had to learn not to cry at every sad story I hear, otherwise I’d be crying pretty much every second from 8 am-4:30 pm. However, today I met a new client for the first time and she has lost visitation rights to all 6 of her children because she is slightly slow mentally. It was heartbreaking; she loves her kids so much. And if that wasn’t sad enough, she then asked me, “Do you have kids yet?” When I told her that I don’t have children yet, she said, “I’ll explain to you why I’m so sad then. When you carry them in your body and nourish them for 9 months and then you feed them and change their diapers and love them so much, the pain you feel when they’re taken from you is unbearable.” Cue me fighting back tears. It was all I could do to not leap over the table we were sitting at, give her a big hug and cry my TTC eyes out. I did give my emotions some relief and let myself shed a few tears in my car after the appointment, because you can take the girl out of the emotions, but you can’t take the emotions out of the girl (I don’t think that worked…).

cute hubby

We keep seeing this Kia Motors commercial where a little boy asks a bunch of questions about the family car to his dad. Last night we saw it again and my husband said, “I can’t ignore this commercial; it’s just so dang cute. I can’t say that it would be cute if we weren’t trying, but since we want this so bad, this commercial is adorable to me.” I just really love how into this whole trying to conceive thing my husband is!

promise to love me more.

I made my husband promise to me when we first found out that getting pregnant might be difficult for us that we would not allow trying to conceive–or any of the problems that might come with it–ruin our marriage. We’ve been through so much together already and nothing has held us down permanently (as of yet–knock on wood), so I feel like this situation doesn’t deserve the glory of taking us down. Yes, it’s emotional, and some days suck more than others, but I still don’t want to lose ourselves in the quest to become parents.

Today, while we were driving to pick up dog food, my husband was saying some really sweet things to me. I half-jokingly, half-seriously said to him, “Thank you for showing me that you still like me. I know you still love me because you promised to do that forever, but it’s also nice to know that you still like me too!” And then a smile formed on my husband’s face and he said, “I do still very much like you. I’d venture to say that I love you, a lot. I didn’t think it was possible to love you more than when we first started dating or when we got married, but I love you now much more than I did at those times. I’m so happy to be so in love.” And cue the tears! This is a quality I love about my husband: he isn’t always sappy and lovey-dovey (in fact, most of the time he’s a huge goofball, which is one of my favorite aspects of his personality!), but he can take a simple car ride to the Petsmart and turn it into a wonderful sobfest!

It’s just nice to know that our decision to try to conceive (and the small difficulties that have followed) hasn’t ruined anything between us. It’s also nice to hear that your husband still loves AND likes you 🙂

trickle.

I have not had a period in 6 months. So you can imagine my excitement when I was cramping on Friday and then felt a warm sensation in my underwear while at the store. (Yes, I would be very excited to have a period because then at least something would be happening in my reproductive area) But when I got home from shopping, I immediately went to the bathroom only to find a clear, watery discharge. I dismissed this as yet another bout of teasing cervical fluid (I’ve had several instances where I had very fertile looking fluid, but it turned out to be nothing) and moved on, but then I had this fluid again Saturday, Sunday and today. It’s very liquidy, sometimes slightly stretchy and it also sometimes feels like it’s trickling/dripping out of me. Has anyone out there ever experienced this before? I’ve had the liquidy fluid before but it’s gone away after a day; it’s never lasted 3+ days. I hate Googling symptoms because it just gets me too overwhelmed, so I figured I’d take to this blog and hope for some answers from some fellow women 🙂 Thanks in advance!