1 year later

May 18th marked 1 year of trying. My husband was totally clueless and told me that he thought we started trying in August! Either way, the day passed with no significance and we both forgot about the official 1 year marker until today. My brother-in-law got married this past weekend and everything that being in a wedding, singing for the same wedding, and making 50 cupcakes for the rehearsal dinner entails kept us pretty busy! Now I’m turning my attention towards something else to continue my pattern of distracting myself. My progesterone test came back this month as a 6.6, which is high enough to not definitely rule out ovulation, but also isn’t high enough to definitely say that I ovulated. So, to keep myself distracted from the inevitable disappointment, I’m focusing on planning our 5th anniversary, which is coming up in August! We’re going to be taking a 4 day vacation to Charleston, SC and staying on Folly Beach over Labor Day weekend, as long as my husband’s leave gets approve, and I’m sooooo excited! Nothing but sitting on the beach, eating delicious southern food, and going to Fort Sumter!

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have i mentioned how much i hate waiting?

I had my cycle day 21 blood test done today and I usually hear from my doctor the same day as the blood test, but I didn’t hear anything today. I actually kept my mind off of it for most of the day but now I’m consumed by wondering. I’m 90% sure that I didn’t ovulate but it would still be nice to know for sure. The two months that I have ovulated on Clomid (let’s not focus on how depressing it is that in a year of trying, I’ve only ovulated twice…), I’ve experienced GI issues (gas, constipation, general discomfort), sore and enlarged breasts, and headaches. This month, I’ve experienced none of these. I’m pretty bummed. My husband doesn’t want me to think so negatively, and I’m extremely thankful for his optimism, but I just can’t keep myself afloat. Some days I feel so stupid for being so consumed by this process and being depressed when another month goes by, but days like today I feel like my feelings are completely justified.